Deliverance from my Private Hell
Little did I know what would happen when I knocked on one particular door.
It was unbelievable to me that what I thought of as my Hollywood romance would lead me to a breakdown. But there I was, in a mental ward.
The movies made love and marriage look so perfect - the way I wanted to feel. But I was “looking for love in all the wrong places.” This was the great deception, for then reality set in.
The reality is not always easy. You stress over money and ugly days. The babies cry, demanding attention, draining you, making it hard to be romantic. Unknown to my husband and me, the producer of our life, the one directing the circumstances, was the master of deception, the devil.
When we first acted so different from the people we thought we were, we were dumbfounded and didn’t know what to do about our ugly scenes. Completely unaware of the power of evil at work in our family, we went down under this power.
For me, it was a total breakdown. My husband told me he didn’t love me anymore and we became abusive, with fighting arguments that pushed me into my own private hell.
My childhood had set me up for accepting the role of the unloved, fearful, insecure woman. As a child, going back and forth as a ward of the court, dark spiritual powers were working to lead me down this path.
For twenty-nine years I thought no one loved me. I had heard about Jesus at church and wanted to believe that He loved me, but like doubting Thomas, I would have to see and feel Him before I could know.
As our family life crumbled, nightmares and waves of terror washed over us all until I collapsed and was locked and bound in spiritual darkness in a mental ward. I began to cry out to God for help.