God never gives up

by
published on 10/15/09
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I was feeling too much of a failure, too embarrassed to face God

I was brought up in the UK in a loving family, I went to church and believed in God – encouraged by my parents, but they were not church goers themselves and so of course it was not reinforced. When I went to university I fell away from the church and began to make bad choices – I look back now and see that was inevitable as I did not have a Christian support network around me.

I had a very bad marriage of 12 years and in that time became someone I no longer recognised or liked. My first husband had no morals, despised religion, and had no respect for woman other than something to be used. I was 14 years younger than him and although I now realise I knew deep down what he was after less than 6 months of marriage, pride and stubbornness got in my way and it was 12 years before I acted on this knowledge. In that time I can see that I totally lost my way as well and allowed him to mould me into something I despised. I remember when I was pregnant with my daughter, being awoken out of a deep sleep and looking at him sleeping next to me in the dark - feeling absolute evil from him, he looked like the devil and I was really spooked. I didn’t know at that time what he was up to behind my back, but when I later found out I was sure this was meant to be a warning to me.

God was at work in me however – I never stopped believing in Him and over time I could feel Him convicting me of my Sins. I knew I was a disappointment to him. When my daughter was born I discovered my husband’s infidelity which compounded this feeling, I was broken hearted but it helped me to rediscover my will again. I made a stand , and against my husband’s wishes and had my daughter baptised – I made promises to God that I would change.

But it wasn’t the way I expected. I could change myself to some degree but couldn’t will change on someone who didn’t want to change. I discovered that I wasn’t as strong as I thought anyway and I had a dependency on my husband; he could still manipulate and control me, make me behave in ways I hated.

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My prodigal me story.


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comments:

on 11/01/09

What a lovely story Janet, it is so good to here that God is there right with us ‘even when we don’t realise it’ when we need him most, even though we fail miserably in our own lives.
I have been to hell and back, childrens homes, prision, broken relationships, broken marrage, drug dealer, alcoholic, fatherless children.fallen professional sportsman, near death and on it goes, but praise be to God I have at last come out off that long dark tunnel there Jesus was waiting and is just about to send me out to be a missionary worker and minister in India..yes i have been deeply scared, yet our Lord and saviour Jesus Christ is a master healer and has a plan for our lives, now satan is back where he belongs, under my feet!! Amen, may you continue to be blessed Janet to be a blessing in Jesus name. Amen...Paul

on 11/09/09

It is really true that God is always with us even if we do have so many mistakes and sins. He will never left us from problems and struggles in life.He will always be a savior in every being in this world. Therefore, we must have the so called TRUST, FAITH and LOVE just for Him.

on 11/10/09

Hello Lanie, I heard a pastor in a sermon recently, and one of the things that spoke to me is when he said ‘nothting we do or could ever do’ can make God love us any more, and nothing we do or could ever do will make god love us any less, because of that I want to go out and be a servant to do Gods will and share with the lost Gods unconditional love in our lives and what the cross realy realy means.. Amen, be blessed. Paul

on 01/31/10

I really need gods help at this time Im Pregant and my Husband what me to get rid over the baby what should i need please answer my question ,he fell in love with somebody else

on 02/01/10

Hi Paul, God is really a wonderful name right and I know he was just waiting for us to come back in his arms. We must always remember that He is not counting on our sins beacuse we are his creations and we are mae by His image. He carry us when we are tired and when we are brokenhearted He is always close to us. We must go back to God, for He will throw the biggest party the heaven had ever seen for he is our PERFECT FATHER!!!Lanie

on 02/01/10

Dearest Sister Ilda, I’m so sorry to here what is happening in your life, and what your husband is doing to your mind, life sometimes hurts so much, and we wonder where God is in all this, but be assured he is there Ilda hurting along with you, he knows what you are going through and he knew you were going to have that baby, the bible says that God knew us before the creation of the world we are not mistakes my beloved, we are pre destined, your baby will be a beautiful baby, your husband is obviously not a christian, it’s tme to take a stand and go and join with some local church and fellowship with Christians, they will help you in the name of Jesus to give you and your baby what you both deserve love, friendship, relationship and a new beginning Amen, be blessed beloved and dont give up your faith it is now that you will grow strong and the devil will flee from you, praise God, your brother and friend in Christ Jesus..Paul x

on 02/01/10

Hello Lanie, thanks so much for your comment, yes I believe you are right that heaven has a party when we come back to the Lord, just as in the story of the prodical or the lost son in luke 15, how wonderful is our Lord and saviour Lanie!! praise God thankyou Jesus, Hallalouya!! stay blessed Sister, brother Paul

on 02/02/10

@Ilda Provenzale

One thing for sure is to not get rid of a miracle that God has givin you. That miracle is the beautiful baby in your stomach! Do not worry. God is helping you with your struggles and is with you. Let God love you and let him guide you. Give up all your fears and doubts so it can be in His hands. Just remind yourself that God knows EXACTLY what is happening.

XOXO
God Bless!
-Brittany

on 04/03/10

i need God in my life, those stories are really helpfull, I’ll try my best to keep reading them, cause their inspire’s me,,, and i believe that one day il make it with JESUS MY SWEET JESUS AGAIN, PLEASE GOD…

on 04/13/10

Dearest Beloved Desma, sometimes we may get frustrated and disalosioned with our lord, last year i went through hell I lost my mother and my wife in the same month, i felt i could not go on any more, i was clinging on to God with all my strenth, the devil thought he had other plans..he thought he had me he was laughing and taughting me...but I trusted the word of God that he would never leave me nor forsake me hebrews:13v5..there are no quick fixes, but know this God and our lord Jesus will take you through hell and out the other end...today I have a wonderfull ministery with the orphans in India, i have a loveing fellowship in the salvation army..and a women in my life that is God sent, I did not know Jesus 13 years ago, but I had a conversion like that of paul on the road to damascus, please dont give up on finding jesus, he’s there just ask him in, be blessed Beloved your friend in Christ Jesus...Paul

on 06/19/10

Wow! this is wonderful! im so glad that you accepted god as your savior, god is working in us we just need to take are time to notice it and accept it. =)

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"Oh give thanks to the Lord; call upon his name; make known his deeds among the peoples!" Psalm 105: 1