StoriesAboutGod.org

Two years after separating I still hadn’t found my way to church.  I was feeling too much of a failure, too embarrassed to face God or his people because I was now living in sin, before I was properly divorced. When we moved houses we became friends with neighbours that had a daughter the same age as mine – they became friends. I learned that this girl went to a small Christian school I had not even heard of even though it was very close. So when my daughter had problems at her school we thought this would be a good choice for her. Part of me deep down felt it would appease God if I at least gave her a Christian education, perhaps this would ease my conscience and make the void go away?

My daughter loved the school. She loved hearing about God and scolded me severely for not teaching her all about Him sooner.  I was such a failure even my 6 yr old daughter could see this! As parents we attended school functions in the local church but fought off any real involvement in the school. I was embarrassed because I didn’t feel good enough to be part of it all.

Then I found I was suddenly surrounded by God. Between my colleague at work and my excited God loving daughter, I was suddenly aware that God was the answer if I wanted peace and happiness in my life. I couldn’t ‘fix myself’ before I was good enough to approach Him, I never would be worthy of Him. I had to approach Him just as I was, broken and imperfect.

We started to attend church as a family and found a wonderful bible believing pastor who fed me challenging sermons each week. Church became the highlight of my week – I spent all week thinking about his sermons, I could feel God working inside me. Then one day I felt all of this coming to a head; it seemed to explode inside of me. I felt the shame and unhappiness I had been burying for fifteen years suddenly break through, I was weeping uncontrollably and having the deepest longest talk ever to my God. I felt his love and forgiveness as I committed myself to him as a real warmth surrounding me and relieving me of my burden.

I was euphoric – I had to tell someone that I had changed, that I had experienced this divine intervention. I was afraid to tell my new Husband as I suspected he might be scared off by a zealous born again wife – but I was too excited to hide it. So taking what I thought might be a huge risk to our fragile new marriage I tried to explain to him what I was feeling. To my surprise he took it really well – he admitted he too was feeling God in his life and was open to us becoming a Christian family. It was a wonderful, fulfilling feeling. It felt like God was blessing our marriage and saying here is a fresh start, make me part of your family and it will all work out.

I was so happy when I went to work the next day. I called my Christian friend into my office and told him what had happened – he was happy for me. We prayed together and he admitted he had been praying for me. I made sure to tell him that God had used him to win me back. For the first time since I joined that company I found I was smiling at work. I felt empowered to deal with the problems and negativity there.