StoriesAboutGod.org

When the Lord asked me to bring my mother, who had Alzheimer’s, to live with my husband and me it was my worst nightmare.

Not that I could sleep.  I tossed and turned, muffling my sobs and groans with a pillow over my mouth.  “I can’t do it, Lord.  Help me!  I vowed to never say ‘No’ to you, but how can I do this?  How?”  The whole night was spent in self-pity and despair.

The next night I tried deep breathing.  “Lord, breathe on me. Fill me up.  I’m going under.”  Mom slept peacefully in the next room, confident God was taking care of her.

“Lord, You are asking the impossible.  How can I be Mom’s caregiver? She deserves so much more tenderness and compassion than I am able to give her. You know I don’t love well.”

Then through the dark fog of despair God took me by the hand back twenty-five years to another time and place when I had cried out to Him, “Please help me love.  I just don’t feel love!” That memory began easing my despair. 

God had responded to that cry by moving in obnoxious neighbors.  The feelings of love for them didn’t come until I had exhausted my arguments and finally listened to God’s still small voice telling me to invite them into my life.  Acting only on the desire to be obedient, I reached out to them and God filled me with feelings of love that literally caused me to burst into singing with amazement and joy and thanksgiving.

I knew God was asking me to trust Him to give me the feelings I needed to obey Him.  I wish I could report an overnight change of heart, however it took three years for the transformation to be completed.  But looking back I am so thankful for God’s patience and perseverance in opening my heart to step by step receive the lessons and blessings my mother was sent to give me.  When the feelings came -and they did come - I recognized them as an answer to my cry for help, and as a gift from God.