StoriesAboutGod.org

As far back as I can remember, I have always believed in God.  I don’t ever recall a time that I didn’t know or believe in God. However, my belief was like the majority of people today. Almost everyone says they believe in God and Jesus, but it ends there. Their lives aren’t a reflection of their belief. 

My life wasn’t a reflection of my belief. I used to listen to all kinds of music. I listened to music that wasn’t Godly. The music was nasty and sinful but I didn’t really care because I didn’t know better. I liked the beat. I thought it was cool. 

Around the time when I was 22 years old I had my first boyfriend. It was a long distance relationship. I was shy so I didn’t really talk to a lot of people. I slowly began to fall in love with him. I began to imagine a future together. I thought everything was okay between us. I was so happy. 

Then, after I had written him a letter stating my desires, he revealed the truth. He said he didn’t believe in marriage. He knew I strongly believe in marriage because I am a virgin and I am waiting until marriage. I was devastated. I called my friend immediately because I couldn’t believe it.  I loved him so much.  I was thankful that she was there for me. 

I eventually got past that day and continued to talk to him. I didn’t want to let him go. However, one day he completely broke it off with me. We were done. It was over. As he was breaking up with me I still remember the song in the background playing on my stereo. It only made it worse for me. The song was by Paula Deanda and she was saying, “Walk away…I’m gonna remember you.” My heart was saddened like it had never been before. I had never known that pain before.

The days following I truly believed that I would never be happy again. I mean those words literally I truly felt in my heart that I would NEVER be happy again.  I thought to myself, what did he do to me? I couldn’t be alone. I usually liked to spend some time alone in my room and just do my own thing, but I couldn’t do that anymore. I couldn’t handle being by myself. 

At that time my sister was engaged and she was still living at home and her fiancé was staying with us. Inwardly, I was so thankful that they were there.  I never told my family what I was going through. They hardly knew I was dating that guy. I was shy so I didn’t talk about him much. I had only mentioned him a few times but I’m sure they assumed we were dating. I didn’t really have anyone to turn to and I knew no one could help me. I knew I needed something greater. I was going through depression. I know that I was. What I needed was God. I knew that.